Observations on Control: Surrender?

Dan Benjar

Control—a word and an action that life has tried to impose on many of us. From different angles and contexts, control seems to be something we’ve internalized. But even though it doesn’t belong to us, in some way, it inhabits us.

Through self-observation and tracing its roots—beyond how it has been passed down through generations in my family—I’ve realized that control is deeply embedded in the human experience. Some say it is the ego, and while it may have some positive purpose, I have yet to decipher it. What is certain is that it has never brought me peace or calm, and from what I’ve seen, it hasn’t for many others either.

But how do we extract it? How do we manage it?

The idea of surrender has come to me, but how does one surrender? Sometimes, control consumes us, turning into a monster. It doesn’t matter the area—any space can become controlled. But the truth is that, no matter how much we want everything to be under our control, nothing truly is.

That’s when I realize that, despite drowning in my own obsession with control, surrender becomes inevitable. I can’t say it brings me relief, but it does allow me to accept control’s presence without making it the ruler of my actions—at least, as much as possible.

In this difficult part of the process, I have noticed that as I accept this reality, something strengthens: faith. With the help of my inner guidance, I begin reviewing the evidence—evidence of what control does, and evidence of what happens when I let go. I learned this technique from my cognitive-behavioral therapist years ago, and it still helps me today. I also see how the spiritual side of me strengthens, reminding me of moments when surrendering brought me guidance—sometimes logically, sometimes intuitively.

There are things in our hands that require attention and action, but we must not let control consume us to the point of madness. I know it’s easy to say, but believe me, it has never been easy for me.

Janine Lewis

This does not mean that control will disappear entirely. It won’t. But at least it loses some of its power. It’s a difficult exercise, but over time, it becomes an important reminder—because in reality, there are things we will never be able to prevent, and the future of our path remains completely uncertain.

I have found that repetition is key, and surrounding ourselves with people who remind us of this truth makes a difference.

How do you experience control?

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